opener

once upon a time i started a blog. it was great. it was used to chronicle my peeking into native american spirituality and primitive skills. alas, it was a short-lived affair. as it turns out, i harbor a deep fear of the CAPS LOCK button. there are other puncuation keys as well that insist i take a typing class. instead, i spent many evenings praying that there would be a digital armageddon and the only survivors would be ballpoints and spiral bounds. so as you read on, forgive my defiance of that button left of ‘a’. in the words of tom waits, i don’t wanna grow up.

teaching yoga. sounds to me like a vacation spot i have been saving up for…..t’ching yaogahh, a small, volcanic island east of lake casitas with no inhabitants. reservations necessary. teaching is something i do. rockclimbing, bow making, hide tanning, tracking, conflict resolution (whatever that is). so it is not much the act of teaching that worries me. it is more the act of teaching something i care about that causes me to tense up. and as something sinks closer and closer to my heart, i become more anxious and more insecure when i think of teaching it. its like baking a cake. if i share that cake with my friends that evening we can all giggle together when its obvious that i used twice the amount of cinnamon and waaaaayyyy too much espresso beans. no worries. if i sent that cake to tara for her wedding though, um, sorry? there are expectations involved that scare me.

most of my emotional and spiritual endeavors can be explained with yoga (all of these endeavors actually, just don’t ask me to explain that much). yoga is something i feel like i ‘get’ every once in awhile, but i don’t know where this getting took place. which teacher? what pose? was it during meditation? i don’t know. thus, when i think about teaching i get worried. luckily though, i am very adept at fooling myself. all i need to do is switch some words around. asana becomes pose, teaching becomes sharing and i’m fine.

in moab there is a space that is free to use as long there is no charge for services. i guess i can start there. though it was suggested to start charging when the time is right. so to temper my flakey ojai way i set a date for when free classes will no longer be available.

during the training, it rarely came into my mind that i am learning this to share. it was a rather selfish experience. i’m looking to gain a better understanding of my own practice. so when we were all expected to share our voices i was surprised at what came out. i had set up a series of sun salutations and arm balances. a series i practice at home and therefore felt comfortable sharing it. that first day i never was called on and was secretly grateful. for our next assignment i was totally burned and skipped it. instead i read the yin section and worked into lotus. i tried it again in the morning and really enjoyed it. i didn’t have a script set up but i did have an intense awareness of how i felt laying in those poses for longer than normal. when given the chance to share some of that, i was pleasantly surprised with what came out.

so in the idea of sharing… here is a photo of me practicing scorpion. any ideas of what should be worked on?

i notice all the bend coming from my low back and my arms are confused. theres a wall in the way as well.

thanks so much for those 10 days. i’ll see you all soon.